Teacher of the Month
by abirdinhercage
Summary: Snape needs money, fast. How does he get it? By winning Teacher of the Month, a cash-prize competition between the Hogwarts staff members. Set during COS.
1. A Plan Formed

Snape angrily paced back and forth in his office, muttering to himself. Those two were impossible! How was it that Potter and Weasley could _fly a car into Hogwarts_, get _detected by Muggles_, crash into the _Whomping Willow_, and still _not get expelled_? If any other student had attempted this, they would be lucky to leave the school uninjured.

He was so lost in thought he almost didn't notice the owl at his window. It wasn't until the owl started tapping like mad that he snapped out of his reverie. Opening the window, the owl impatiently held out its talon. Snape ripped off the string attaching the letter to the owl, and slammed the window closed, causing the owl to fall off the sill and drop several feet before it could spread its wings to fly away.

The letter was from Dumbledore. It was brief and to the point, merely saying _Staff Meeting in the Teacher's Lounge at 4._ Snape glanced at his clock, which read 3:55. Only five minutes to get to the teacher's lounge. Snape sighed, threw the letter into the fireplace, and strode briskly out of his office.

Traffic was heavy in the hallways, but Snape did not slow down. Students quickly pushed each other out of his way, recognizing that he was not in the best of moods. Two first year girls, immersed in a copy of Witch Weekly, did not see Snape coming and were moving down the narrow hallway at a snail's pace. Snape glared at the back of their heads as he lessened the distance between them. When he was right on their heels, one of them glanced back and shrieked. She dragged her friend out of the way, dropping the magazine as she did.

"Ten points from Hufflepuff for dawdling in the hallway," Snape said coldly, glancing at the fallen magazine. "And another five for reading mindless tabloids," he added. Several people wearing yellow striped ties glared at the two girls, who lowered their heads in shame.

After successfully taking thirty points from Gryffindor and awarding fifty to Slytherin, Snape finally made it to the teacher's lounge, ten minutes late. Snape quietly pushed the door open, and tried to make a subtle entrance.

Of course, that didn't work.

"Ah Severus, you're late," Dumbledore greeted him cheerfully. "Gilderoy was just telling us a remarkable story about the time when he single-handedly fought off a pack of chimeras."

Lockhart, sporting bright green robes and gold buckled shoes adorned with glitter and peacock feathers, beamed at Snape. Snape glared back at him.

"Please take a seat," Dumbledore continued. "I was just getting to the real buisiness." Snape sat down in the empty chair nearest him, conveniently placed between Lockhart and Filch.

Dumbledore reached behind his ear and pulled out a roll of parchment. He unfurled it, and cleared his throat.

"First, you all probably know about the events that took place at the start of term." Several teachers shifted their gaze accusingly to Professor McGonagall, who stared fixedly at Dumbledore. He pretended not to notice.

"I do believe that Harry and Ron have learned their lesson, and will never do something that foolish again." He gave McGonagall a small smile, and then continued.

"Some of you believe that I have not been hard enough on the two boys." Dumbledore glanced over the top of the parchment at Snape and Filch. "I must ask everyone to not go out of their way to punish Harry and Ron."

Snape inwardly groaned. He had been planning on keeping them after class to clean up a highly poisonous potion that he had "accidentally" dropped. Snape glanced at Filch who was seething. Several members of the staff had seen Filch pass Harry and Ron earlier today and had heard him muttering something that sounded like "feed the delinquents to the giant squid."

"And now, onto the fun part-"

CRASH.

Everyone jumped, and tiny Flitwick fell out of his chair. From outside the teacher's lounge, several students screamed. Dumbledore said cheerfully, "I wondered when Peeves would do something. It isn't like him to wait this long." He re-rolled his parchment back up and tucked it back behind his ear. "I'll be back in a moment. Until then, talk amongst yourselves." With that, he swept out of the teacher's lounge.

The minute he was gone, Lockhart jumped to his feet. "Shall I entertain you with my heroic tale of when I convinced a giant to throw himself off a cliff?"

The rest of the staff suddenly became very interested in the rain steadily falling on the window pane.

Lockhart grinned toothily at everyone. "All right, if you insist. It all started when I went to France on holiday…"

Snape didn't try to conceal his disinterest. He grabbed a professor's catalog from a nearby table and idly flipped through it, his mind on other problems, like how to successfully torture Harry Potter and Ron Weasley and get away with it.

What Snape needed was a way to cause Harry and Ron to fail his class. Subtly of course. He didn't need to risk getting put on prohibition.

Something on the page caught his eye. A book titled _Potions No One Can Make_. The description went on to explain that the potions in this book were so complex, so complicated, and so compromising of the laws of gravity, that it would take only a genius to master them. _See page 21 for shipping details_. Snape furiously flipped to page 21.

This was it! This was the answer to his problems! Snape pictured Harry and Ron, entering the dungeons all smiles, and then, BAM! Snape would force them to try to make a potion to cure schizophrenia. Or to create a monsoon. Or he could force them to try to make the Polyjuice Potion. Yes, that would be it! No second-year in their right mind would ever even DREAM of making the Polyjuice Potion! Snape was ready to grab a piece of parchment and a quill and fill out the mailing order…until he saw the price.

Forty-five galleons? For a BOOK? No way, he didn't have that kind of money to throw around. Irritated, Snape tossed the magazine back on the table and tried to come up with another idea.

Lockhart still ploughed on. "And I told him, 'Say, it would be a jolly good idea to jump off the cliff. The wind in your face, why there's nothing better-'"

Dumbledore walked back into the teacher's lounge. Many of the teachers sighed in relief.

"Ah, hello again Dumbledore! I was just telling everybody another one of my biggest feats. Perhaps you would like to listen-"

"Really Gilderoy," McGonagall cut in sharply, "I have papers to grade, and I would prefer the rest of the meeting to end quietly and quickly."

Lockhart looked slightly ruffled, but acquiesced. Dumbledore moved to the center of the room and pulled out his piece of parchment again.

"Now, where were we before Peeves had the good manners to throw several suits of armor at students? Ah yes. Teacher of the Month."

Several teachers exchanged eye-rolls. No one tried for Teacher of the Month anymore. It wasn't really a prestigious honor. All you got was your name recognized at breakfast and a free butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks. Only Lockhart perked up at this news. He sat up straighter in his chair and made a performance of listening intently.

"This month I am doing things a little differently. Mr. and Mrs. Wood have given a generous donation to the school this year. I am going to use some of that money in this traditional teacher competition. This month, whoever wins teacher of the year gets a fifty galleon prize reward."

Now all the teachers, including Snape, sat up straighter. Yes! A sure-fire way to get the money to purchase _Potions No One Can Make_!

"As you know, a Hogwarts teacher is more than just a teacher. A Hogwarts teacher must be encouraging, dedicated, hard-working…"

No one was really listening anymore. All the teachers were surveying their fellow professors, sizing up their competition. Snape noticed that most of the teachers would glance at him, smirk, and then continue their scan around the room. He narrowed his eyes, and promised himself that he would hex the next teacher who did that.

"And I hope everyone will take this inter-teacher competition seriously." Dumbledore finished. "This concludes our meeting." With that, he swept out of the lounge.

All the teachers started talking at once.

"I've got to go re-organize my course syllabus-"

"I've got to make sure all the greenhouse plants are well-fed-"

"I've got to-"

"My dear, fellow professors," Lockhart cut across everyone. "I'm sure you'll all do your best, but really, who can compete against _moi_?"

"Forgive me, Lockhart, but I believe I have a good chance against you," Severus snapped.

Professor Sprout snorted into her tea. "Wonderful competition," she choked.

Snape rounded on her. "What, Pomona, do you mean by that?"

Lockhart laughed heartily. "My dear Severus, surely you don't believe that YOU can win Teacher of the Month?"

"I have a good chance," Snape replied testily.

"But…but really Severus, you heard what Dumbledore said about a Teacher of the Month!" McGonagall exclaimed, thoroughly shocked. "And besides, I've never seen you show an interest in winning Teacher of the Month."

"Things change."

Lockhart patted Snape on the back. Snape stiffened. "Severus, a good teacher is dedicated, hard-working-"

"Who says I'm not dedicated and hard-working?" Snape retorted hotly.

"Well are you encouraging?" piped up Flitwick.

Snape didn't reply.

Lockhart nodded sympathetically. "I thought so. A good teacher is always encouraging to his students."

McGonagall gave a small cough.

"Or her students," Lockhart added. McGonagall and Sprout nodded approvingly.

"I give out house points," Snape said defensively, folding his arms across his chest.

Hagrid coughed something that had the word "Slytherin" in it.

"He's right," Lockhart declared. "Miss Granger answers plenty of your questions and YOU never award HER house points. And you've never said a kind word to the lovely, talented, and bright Harry Potter either."

Snape glared. He had good reason not to say any kind words to, ahem, _the lovely, talented, and bright Harry Potter. _  
"Don't worry," Lockhart assured him. "When I'm Teacher of the Month, I promise to remember this brave attempt of yours." Grinning obnoxiously, he strutted out of the room.

Snape seethed inwardly. He was going to beat that pompous airhead no matter what it took, even if it meant…being nice.


	2. A Plan Executed

**A/N: When I wrote this, I couldn't remember if J.K. Rowling gave Professor Sinistra a first name. Since I couldn't remember it, I gave her one instead. If you know what her first name is, feel free to let me know!**

Snape never considered himself a believer in the "art" of Divination, like most people he considered it to be a load of hogwash. However, believe what you will, he put his complete faith in one astrological whim- the outlook of his day.

The only true room decoration in his bedchamber was a photograph of Lily Evans (later Potter), resting on his nightstand. It was neither recent, nor in good condition. In fact, the glass was cracked and chipped from being thrown across the room several times. Snape had taken the photograph of her in their fourth year. Her pale, heart-shaped face started out beaming at the lens, but James Potter swaggered into the picture mid-take, wrapping his arms around her. Lily's face then shifted into an irritated glare for the rest of the picture.

Snape used this picture to determine the atmosphere of his day. He always made a point to glance at the picture every morning as he woke. If his momentary glance only saw Lily frowning, it was another surly day of recalling exactly how she died. However, if Severus Snape woke up at just the right time, he would shift his gaze to the photograph and see the infamous Lily Evans smile he remembered and loved so well. He would become so focused on the good memories of her, that he would forget he himself basically put Lily in her grave.

The next morning Snape awoke from his slumber with an unpleasant jolt. He had, of course, dreamed once again of the Incident, in which he called Lily a Mudblood and effectively ended their friendship. Glancing over at his nightstand, he saw Lily glowering at him. Snape glowered right back at the picture. _Damn. _

It didn't help that today was supposed to be Day 1 of attempting to win Teacher of the Month. If Snape was already in an ill mood, he didn't see how it would help his case by breakfast.

Washing and dressing rapidly, Snape left his bedchambers with no small amount of trepidation. Did he know _how_ to be nice? Was it possible for him to _learn? _Or did he have to be nice at all? Could he write a dissertation on the properties of salamander skin, hand it to Dumbledore, and be rewarded for his keen mind?

Snape shook his head. No, he didn't have the motivation, much less the time, to write a dissertation on the properties of salamander skin.

"Cool, man!" Lee Jordan, a Gryffindor and one of the many thorns in Snape's side, yelled at a group of students, running towards them. "You lot HAVE to see what Fred and George just did—"

Without having to think, Snape's arm reached out and yanked Lee's shoulder back in a vice-like grip. "Jordan, fifteen points from Gryffindor for running, another ten for shouting, and twenty for promoting probable delinquency in the school." He released his hold and continued to walk down the hallway, leaving a very disgruntled Lee in his wake.

"And twenty apiece from the Weasley twins for doing…whatever they were doing," Snape muttered under his breath.

McGonagall glared icily at Snape as he sat down at the teacher's table. "I noticed that at least eighty points just left Gryffindor's hourglass at the same time. You wouldn't have had anything to do with that, would you Snape? Seeing as how you're on a mission to prove how considerate and thoughtful you are."

Snape shrugged, thinking it more prudent not to respond to Minerva before she had downed her morning cup of coffee.

As if to make him look worse by comparison, Lockhart burst into the Great Hall with an overly cheerful expression. "Greetings, fellow administrators of knowledge!" he sang, plopping down into the seat opposite Flitwick. "How are we all this morning?" he asked, helping himself to jam and bread.

No one answered him. Not that he noticed.

"I had a wonderful morning. I just received a letter that I have won _again _for Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile of the Month Award." He grinned broadly as if to prove his point.

Snape wouldn't have been surprised if he sang a duet with several birds as well.

"I say, Sibyll, that is a splendid brooch you are wearing. It really brings out the color in your eyes."

Trelawney jumped, surprised that someone at the teacher's table actually wanted to speak with her. "Why…why thank you Gilderoy," she said. "I would make the most of the time you are here, for by the end of the year, you will remember none of it."

McGonagall snorted. "Astounding prediction," she hissed. However, Gilderoy looked flattered.

"My dear teachers, Sibyll is quite right!" His voice carried across the Hall, leaving no doubt in Snape's mind that Lockhart wanted everyone to hear. "After my new book, _Dallying with Demons_, is published, I may not have time to be a teacher anymore! But rest assured, I will never forget the fine hospitality Hogwarts has given me." He winked at a group of female students, who blushed and fell all over each other.

_Sick,_ Snape thought. But maybe Lockhart had a point. Not the advancements on minors part. The other point, the compliment giving. But how to give one? He searched around for one to give, his eyes drifting lazily to Professor Sinistra's hand as she slowly spooned hot cereal into her mouth.

Before he knew it, he blurted "You have an interesting way of moving your wrist when you use a spoon."

The teacher's table fell silent immediately.

Professor Sinistra's lip trembled, and she promptly burst into tears. Snape simply stared at her, dumbfounded. With a loud scrape, she pushed her chair back and fled from the Great Hall, but not before one more devastating sob was heard.

The instant she was gone, McGonagall rounded on Snape. "Have you no tact at all?" she hissed.

Snape instantly retreated to the defense. "What did I say?" he asked indignantly. "I was trying to give her a compliment! Okay, maybe drawing attention to her wrist was…bizarre, but-"

"Her tremors are acting up again!" McGonagall cut across, a vein in her temple throbbing threateningly. Snape sent a silent prayer to her first period class. "Madame Pomfrey has informed her there is little chance they'll get any better. Aurelia probably assumed you were mocking her! We certainly did," she added menacingly.

"But-but- no one tells me any of this!" Snape sputtered. "How was I supposed to know she was in a medical condition?"

"We didn't expect you to care," Professor Sprout replied matter-of-factly. The other teachers nodded their assent.

_Does everyone think I'm as soulless as a dementor? _Snape wondered to himself. His thoughts were interrupted by Lockhart, who flashed him a condescending (a term here meaning a scolding look one would give to a small child) gaze, and said, "Tut, tut, Severus. I would apologize if I were you."

"For once, the bumbling idiot has a point," McGonagall conceded grudgingly. Snape couldn't help but notice that her coffee was only about a fourth of the way consumed. Prayers simply would not cut it, her first period was doomed. "And be sensitive about it, for goodness sake!"

"Alright," Snape grumbled, pushing his uneaten breakfast aside. He exited the table in the guise of searching for Professor Sinistra, but instead found an empty bathroom. Staring at his reflection in the mirror, he wondered. _Can I do this? For it's really not starting off very well…is it worth it?_ As if to answer his question, who would walk in the bathroom but Harry Potter himself.

"Potter," Snape greeted him coldly.

"Good morning, sir," Harry replied, looking as if he wished he had never chosen to come to this particular bathroom in the first place.

Already in a rather irritated mood due to no breakfast and the Sinistra scandal, Snape simply could not help himself. "Insolent child. Skipping class to use the bathroom. As if a flying car was not enough…" In his head, he could picture Lily's enraged face, mouthing "That's my son you're talking to…"

"Class hasn't started yet…sir," Harry retorted in response.

"Well be moving so I can't find an excuse to take even more points from Gryffindor than I already have," Snape smirked, sweeping out of the bathroom. Before he left, however, he could not resist calling over his shoulder, "I trust McGonagall has assigned a detention to you and Weasley?"

"Yes sir. I'll be with Lockhart."

Lockhart! Bog blast it! That's not a punishment, it's a reward! Those two will probably compare fan mail, take candid photos, and toast each other's success, Snape thought, enraged. _That's it. I'm going to learn how to be nice. Potter can't get away with everything._


End file.
